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College Fun


 

50 Fun Things to Do on the First Day of Class

    1. Smoke a pipe and respond to each point the professor makes by
       waving it and saying, "Quite right, old bean!"
    2. Wear X-Ray Specs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to focus
       the overhead projector.
    3. Sit in the front row and spend the lecture filing your teeth into
       sharp points.
    4. Sit in the front and color in your textbook.
    5. When the professor calls your name in roll, respond "that's my
       name, don't wear it out!"
    6. Introduce yourself to the class as the "master of the pan flute".
    7. Give the professor a copy of The Watchtower. Ask him where his
       soul would go if he died tomorrow.
    8. Wear earmuffs. Every few minutes, ask the professor to speak
       louder.
    9. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.
   10. Squint thoughtfully while giving the professor strange looks. In
       the middle of lecture, tell him he looks familiar and ask whether
       he was ever in an episode of Starsky and Hutch.
   11. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the
       professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.
   12. Become entranced with your first physics lecture, and declare your
       intention to pursue a career in measurements and units.
   13. Sing your questions.
   14. Speak only in rhymes and hum the Underdog theme.
   15. When the professor calls roll, after each name scream "THAT'S
       MEEEEE! Oh, no, sorry."
   16. Insist in a Southern drawl that your name really is Wuchen Li. If
       you actually are Chinese, insist that your name is Vladimir
       Fernandez O'Reilly.
   17. Page through the textbook scratching each picture and sniffing it.
   18. Wear your pajamas. Pretend not to notice that you've done so.
   19. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR
       FLY".
   20. Inform the class that you are Belgian royalty, and have a friend
       bang cymbals together whenever your name is spoken.
   21. Stare continually at the professor's crotch. Occassionally lick
       your lips.
   22. Address the professor as "your excellency".
   23. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if
       he's been drinking.
   24. Shout "WOW!" after every sentence of the lecture.
   25. Bring a mirror and spend the lecture writing Bible verses on your
       face.
   26. Ask whether you have to come to class.
   27. Present the professor with a large fruit basket.
   28. Bring a "seeing eye rooster" to class.
   29. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle
       haffen dee henvay?" Become aggitated when the professor can't
       understand you.
   30. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the
       chalkboard erasers.
   31. Watch the professor through binoculars.
   32. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.
   33. Ask to introduce your "invisible friend" in the empty seat beside
       you, and ask for one extra copy of each handout.
   34. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY
       EYES!"
   35. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of
       your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.
   36. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and
       snickering.
   37. As soon as the first bell rings, volunteer to put a problem on the
       board. Ignore the professor's reply and proceed to do so anyway.
   38. Claim that you wrote the class text book.
   39. Claim to be the teaching assistant. If the real one objects, jump
       up and scream "IMPOSTER!"
   40. Spend the lecture blowing kisses to other students.
   41. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup
       Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.
   42. Stand to ask questions. Bow deeply before taking your seat after
       the professor answers.
   43. Wear a cape with a big S on it. Inform classmates that the S
       stands for "stud".
   44. Interrupt every few minutes to ask the professor, "Can you spell
       that?"
   45. Disassemble your pen. "Accidently" propel pieces across the room
       while playing with the spring. Go on furtive expeditions to
       retrieve the pieces. Repeat.
   46. Wink at the professor every few minutes.
   47. In the middle of lecture, ask your professor whether he believes
       in ghosts.
   48. Laugh heartily at everything the professor says. Snort when you
       laugh.
   49. Wear a black hooded cloak to class and ring a bell.
   50. Ask your math professor to pull the roll chart above the
       blackboard of ancient Greek trade routes down farther because you
       can't see Macedonia.

 

Make It Easy For Your Student To Write Home

            

 Date: ___________


 Dear Parent(s),

 I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of
 interest to both of us.

 Please send:

 __ Money (Cash)! Amount: $_______
 __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ________
 __ Clean clothes!


 Relationships: 

 __ What?
 __ I am in love with myself
 __ I am in love!
 __ I am engaged
 __ I got married last weekend

 My Roommate: 

 __ Worships the ground I walk on
 __ Gave me a black eye
 __ Committed suicide and left a note saying I was the reason
 __ Is afraid of the dark and wants to sleep with me in my bed ???
 __ Has fleas

 My Professors are: 

 __ Sadistic water walkers
 __ Mental institution escapees
 __ Brain dead nerds
 __ Super oxygen thieves

 Latest News: 

 __ I wrecked the car
 __ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit
    limit 
 __ You are going to have a grandchild
 __ False alarm - you are NOT going to have a grandchild
 
 Food: 

 __ Is great!
 __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
 __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals

 Grades: 

 __ I am making all A's
 __ I am not being properly challenged
 __ I will be home after this semester

 I study: 

 __ Night and day
 __ All the time
 __ 80 hours a week
 __ Only on Sunday afternoon
 __ None of the above

 Daily Devotions: 

 __ I read my Bible everyday
 __ I can't read
 __ Someone stole my Bible while I was at one of the local bars

 On my last visit home, I left: 

 __ My glasses
 __ My paper that was due yesterday
 __ The clothes you washed for me
 __ My (girlfriend's) birth control pills
 __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
 __ Other _____________________________________________

 Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS
 (Blue) 

 Laundry: 

 __ My white underwear is now _________________
 __ I am saving money by not using detergent
 __ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester
 __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains

 My room: 

 __ Can pass your "white glove" test
 __ Is only _____% full
 __ Could not be located last Saturday night
 __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training

 Parties: 

 __ I don't inhale
 __ I only go to meet people
 __ Haven't been to one since this morning

 Hope you: 

 __ Miss me
 __ Can live without me
 __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence

 Salutation: 

 __ Your Daughter,
 __ Your Son,
 __ Yours,

 

 

Top Ten Methods of Being kicked out of a Chemistry Class

10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others.

9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?"

8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK."

7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again."

6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!"

5. Deny the existence of chemicals.

4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it.

3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker.

2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulphuric acid.

1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertiliser and express an interest in federal buildings.


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